First thing, this post was really going to be good. It has always been my belief that By The Dog should facilitate erudite discourse and compel users toward a higher goal. To that end, my plan was to provide a series of haiku, the words of which would hyperlink to some compelling primary sources: throat fucking, clown incest, zombie porn, and alien rape. The haiku themselves would cover a variety of subjects: the similarities between the phone box from Dr. Who and Barbara Bush's cooze, Dick Cheney's inability to climax without the wrist of a Vietnamese orphan embedded up his anus, Ann Coulter's insatiable appetite for wild boar semen, and the tranquility of Spring as represented through the image of Mel Gibson felching a dog. (That's when you eat your own ejaculate out of someone's ass.) As I warned J, the Internet remains aloof concerning high art. I can't really tell if it was the vomit, the degradation of women, a lack of strong underlying narrative, or just because they don't like fatties, but YouTube members complained (I've told you people before to get off my fucking Internet), and the vids were pulled. They were nice enough to send me a form e-mail stating they considered the uploaded content to be of an "inappropriate nature." So, until I can get footage of myself setting fire to a small child (or something else "classy") I guess I won't be posting on YouTube.
Therefore, today's discussion will be about dick-clits.

Traditionally, the dick-clit is a common theme of the bodybuilding porn community. It seems the same muscle sculpting exercises and steroids that leave men with testicles the size of raisins cause dramatic change in external female genitalia. This is not to say that dick-clits exist solely within this fetish. The Germans have experimented with vacuum pumps for years, ambiguously gendered individuals abound in the porn industry, and female-male gender reassignment surgery continues to improve in accuracy. However, the motif is most prominent among women who look like a mix between Aeon Flux (the cartoon) and Hulk Hogan. The main purpose of the dick-clit is quite simple to comprehend. Males, unaccustomed to the concept of female pleasure, find it much easier to work with genitalia similar to their own. There's no need to worry about the G-Spot when you can just jerk her off. This apparently compensates for the threat that she might turn you over at any second and ass rape you (trust me, she can take you). Finally, it should be noted that dick-clits carry the gay.