A few things you probably didn't know about Dick Cheney:

1. Dick Cheney became a conscientious objector during the Vietnam War when recruiters frowned upon his suggestion to "nuke 'em back in the trees."
2. Dick Cheney once sodomized Muhammad in effigy backstage at the Kennedy Center Honors.
3. Dick Cheney controls 97% of the world’s supply of Preparation H.
4. Dick Cheney has at least 11 testicles, but only 4 are on the outside.
5. In his spare time, Dick Cheney is developing a master race from the children of deported immigrants.
6. Circles of Hell Dick Cheney has successfully returned from: 6
7. Dick Cheney lost his left hand in a bar fight on the outskirts of Barrow, Alaska.
8. Dick Cheney once vomited blood for over two hours straight before a more suitable donor could be found.
9. Dick Cheney has read every Nancy Drew mystery 5 times.
10. Dick Cheney has voted a straight Confederation ticket since the 4th grade.
11. Skeletons in Dick Cheney’s closet: 47
12. Whole skeletons: 3
13. Dick Cheney holds the Guinness record for longest underwater bowel movement.
14. Dick Cheney is only the second person to turn down a hand job from Margaret Thatcher and survive.
15. Number of lesbians it takes to make one Dick Cheney: 15,205

I present to you: Dyke Cheney