"...and, by the dog, gentlemen of the jury---for I must tell you the truth..." --Apology, 21e

Friday, March 30, 2007

First thing, this post was really going to be good. It has always been my belief that By The Dog should facilitate erudite discourse and compel users toward a higher goal. To that end, my plan was to provide a series of haiku, the words of which would hyperlink to some compelling primary sources: throat fucking, clown incest, zombie porn, and alien rape. The haiku themselves would cover a variety of subjects: the similarities between the phone box from Dr. Who and Barbara Bush's cooze, Dick Cheney's inability to climax without the wrist of a Vietnamese orphan embedded up his anus, Ann Coulter's insatiable appetite for wild boar semen, and the tranquility of Spring as represented through the image of Mel Gibson felching a dog. (That's when you eat your own ejaculate out of someone's ass.) As I warned J, the Internet remains aloof concerning high art. I can't really tell if it was the vomit, the degradation of women, a lack of strong underlying narrative, or just because they don't like fatties, but YouTube members complained (I've told you people before to get off my fucking Internet), and the vids were pulled. They were nice enough to send me a form e-mail stating they considered the uploaded content to be of an "inappropriate nature." So, until I can get footage of myself setting fire to a small child (or something else "classy") I guess I won't be posting on YouTube.
Therefore, today's discussion will be about dick-clits.

Traditionally, the dick-clit is a common theme of the bodybuilding porn community. It seems the same muscle sculpting exercises and steroids that leave men with testicles the size of raisins cause dramatic change in external female genitalia. This is not to say that dick-clits exist solely within this fetish. The Germans have experimented with vacuum pumps for years, ambiguously gendered individuals abound in the porn industry, and female-male gender reassignment surgery continues to improve in accuracy. However, the motif is most prominent among women who look like a mix between Aeon Flux (the cartoon) and Hulk Hogan. The main purpose of the dick-clit is quite simple to comprehend. Males, unaccustomed to the concept of female pleasure, find it much easier to work with genitalia similar to their own. There's no need to worry about the G-Spot when you can just jerk her off. This apparently compensates for the threat that she might turn you over at any second and ass rape you (trust me, she can take you). Finally, it should be noted that dick-clits carry the gay.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

This shit spinning off the attorney scandel is just getting funnier and funnier. Goddamn. Between Gene, Tommy, and Cheep I think we should start a security consulting division and rake in some dough and a little press-coverage, hell, we at least got 2 out of 3.
Damn. (Look carefully.)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Brian Wells, we hardly knew ye, you poor bastard. Yet you were a topic of much discussion among my cohorts in my pizza-delivering days. Soon we shall know all.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

*Kuma Dance*

Over 700 miles in 6 days.
Lake Hogue,
Lake Poinsett,
Parkin St. Park,
Village Creek St. Park,
St. Francis River,
Lake Willistine,
Greer's Ferry,
my Grandmother's pond,
where I finally caught a 4-1/2 in. bream.
Lots of old friends along the way.

*extended Kuma dance*

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

ahhhhh, the joys of night welding. i have a burn the size of a freakin' quarter on my collar bone. stupid slag. one of these days.....

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I just bought my fishing license online. lookout, fishies.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Also, I appear to be unable to alter the template of the blog anymore. This makes me unhappy.
And who the hell is Yup?
The air here is almost clean.

I like the rabbit painting, by the way.
The canvas has a red and black tie and a green visor; working on the
old picture as posted below here. anyhow, a new background...

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Monday, March 12, 2007

Dinosaur Comics and Hobo Soup!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Cancer wants some sushi

Friday, March 02, 2007

Y'all know what it is, so fuckin' crown me.