"...and, by the dog, gentlemen of the jury---for I must tell you the truth..." --Apology, 21e

Friday, July 27, 2007

Dear Soul Winner:

The Bweneum Department of Reclamation and Distribution announces eight new acquisitions in its collection:

Sex, Lies, and ...The Truth / Focus on the Family Films
Kirk Cameron hosts "an entertaining and powerful 30 minute video revealing the hard truths about sex in the '90's."

Learn Gun Safety with Eddie Eagle / National Rifle Association
Seven minute cartoon hosted by Jason Priestley teaching children how things might "have been different if the children had not followed Eddie's gun safety rules."

Facts of Faith / Moody Bible Institute
From the jacket: "Would you believe that heat isn't hot? Steel can float in mid-air? And even the most solid substances aren't really solid at all? In Facts of Faith, you'll watch one million volts of electricity blaze through a man's body. And witness a whole series of sophisticated scientific experiments all designed to demonstrate some powerful spiritual truths, such as, what faith is and how you can have it."

AIDS: What You Haven't Been Told / Jeremiah Films, Inc.
Documentary interviewing scientists, medical doctors, politicians, and gay rights activists. Provides "hard answers to tough questions." "Questions like: Is there such a thing as safe sex? What is the virus and how is it transmitted? Is there a homosexual cover-up?"

Group Shock Wave (Volume 2) / Group Publishing, Inc.
Conversation starter video and discussion guide consisting of six segments: Hot Tub (temptation), Hammered (effects of sin), The Sin Scale (degrees of sin), The Car (redemption), and Rappelling (faith). A bonus segment "Home-Grown" is also included.

What If the Lord Were to Come Right Now? / We Care Ministries
Four lessons "designed to win souls in the home, in the church building, at camps and anywhere precious people are lost." Between segments Larry West directs questions about the message to the viewer in a living room setting.

New Fields Japan: Workers for Christ / BMC Productions
Short promotional film for Unconditional Love Ministries concerning their efforts to bring "the Good News of Jesus Christ" to the Japanese working class.

Prepare for the Future / Christian Broadcasting Network, Inc.
Factory sealed. From the jacket: "Responding to today's startling headlines, Pat and Gordon Robertson provide thought-provoking insight into the war on terror, recent Supreme Court rulings and other prevalent issues. Learn how stunningly current developments relate to biblical prophecy. You will also gain a deeper understanding about God's plan for your life and learn how to meet financial and spiritual challenges in the days ahead.

Long Live the New Flesh!
¿Spatüla?!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

When suicide bombings start to interfere
with soccer
, I'd think things would change pretty
damn fast; like turning the mosques into
museums and publicly beheading anyone
who takes religion seriously. Guess its me
who's living in a fantasy world....
fears tha theme

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Memphis Bikini Lawn Care
We retarded.
A Love Letter

Dearest Harlan,

It has been too long since I gazed upon your white goatee, trimmed like a true Southern gentleman; your robust figure, clothed in only the whitest of whites. I can still recall your bola tie, shaped so much like the package you mightily wield in your pantaloons though many times smaller in girth.

Too many days--even seconds--have gone by without the sound of your voice sweetly coaxing me to clean the bathrooms and deep fryer, the drawled stutter eerily reminiscent of a virile Foghorn Leghorn preparing to mount both that dog that always gave him such trouble and the tiny yet determined chickenhawk that he so masterfully played as a fool.

And though so much time has passed, I can still recall the taste of the oils that always coat your body, the taste of seven herbs and spices.

Hungrily,
CB

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Turkys doing it.

Here's one article.
Can't find the one I originally read.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Sweet Mother Of God!
i suppose there are only a few people who may be interested, but i think that i should have everything squared away and moved back to the area in one months time. i know i was supposed to be back in june, but i got laid off and had to pay bills, zat's ze way it goes, eh? doctor J: email your phone number to me and i shall call. all else: beware.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Friday, July 06, 2007

Monday, July 02, 2007

A few things you probably didn't know about Dick Cheney:
  1. Dick Cheney became a conscientious objector during the Vietnam War when recruiters frowned upon his suggestion to "nuke 'em back in the trees."
  2. Dick Cheney once sodomized Muhammad in effigy backstage at the Kennedy Center Honors.
  3. Dick Cheney controls 97% of the world’s supply of Preparation H.
  4. Dick Cheney has at least 11 testicles, but only 4 are on the outside.
  5. In his spare time, Dick Cheney is developing a master race from the children of deported immigrants.
  6. Circles of Hell Dick Cheney has successfully returned from: 6
  7. Dick Cheney lost his left hand in a bar fight on the outskirts of Barrow, Alaska.
  8. Dick Cheney once vomited blood for over two hours straight before a more suitable donor could be found.
  9. Dick Cheney has read every Nancy Drew mystery 5 times.
  10. Dick Cheney has voted a straight Confederation ticket since the 4th grade.
  11. Skeletons in Dick Cheney’s closet: 47
  12. Whole skeletons: 3
  13. Dick Cheney holds the Guinness record for longest underwater bowel movement.
  14. Dick Cheney is only the second person to turn down a hand job from Margaret Thatcher and survive.
  15. Number of lesbians it takes to make one Dick Cheney: 15,205

I present to you: Dyke Cheney

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